Golden Opinions

Read what other big-brained bipeds have to say about The Book of Temptations:

Long ponders

“An excellent toilet book. I see no reason why every WC* in the English-speaking world or worlds should not be equipped with a copy of this handsome and insightful work, bound to enhance the longest ponders.”
* ‘Washroom’ or ‘comfort station’ in North America

Patrick Foley, Master Chef (vocational statement, not location)
Wiltshire

Frisky, not risky

“In this collection of desirable possibilities, PD Clark has scoured the world’s finest minds, publications and pages of terms and conditions to set free the fantasy wonders hidden therein. Now fully risk assessed, this book complies with most UK health and safety legislation.

This does not mean this book is boringly safe. Quite the contrary, it will introduce the reader to extremes of temptation where only the most sophisticated, perverse and extravagant minds have previously dared venture. Thrills and a sense of imminent danger pervade every page, but the chances of coming to serious harm are as reassuringly low as is reasonably practicable.

If there is any danger in the ordinary sense, it is the possibility of lascivious overload re the innumerable tantalising possibilities conjured up. Readers of a sensitive disposition are advised to dip in, and read a little at a time, for fear of bursting. Those of a more robust constitution and greater experience will only be stopped from cover-to-cover reading by the sheer breathlessness which ensues from prolonged exposure.

IMPORTANT: for the technically minded, here are just a few of the regulations introduced under the Health and Safety at Work (etc) Act 1974 with which the Book of Temptations is capable of being fully compliant:

The Noise at Work Regulations. The book opens almost silently and the whshht of the turning pages is well within safe sound pressure level limits (even without averaging exposure over an 8 hour working day) This makes it safe to peruse for both the casual dip-in reader and the cover-to-cover enthusiast, without the need for hearing protection, acoustic booths or reduced exposure times.

Manual Handling Regulations. Compliance is a breeze with this A5-supersized edition. While being rammed with 10,097 temptations of the finest order and skimping on nothing, it is of satisfyingly manageable size and easy to hold. It is ergonomically designed to be safe for use with minimal risk of developing work related upper limb disorders.

Work at Height Regulations. No problem here. Even at a bulging 200-odd pages it requires no edge protection, fall arrest devices or collective measures such as safety nets or air cushions. As such it is a must for the risk-averse reader and gift buyer, and also has be a lead contender for the Safe Book of the Year Prize.

In summary, I wholeheartedly recommend it both to the general public and to the occupational health and safety community who are privileged to protect them.”

Richard Paul-Jones
Member of the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health (IOSH)
Event Safety Consultant
France

A highway to insight

“An extensive reading of the Book of Temptations provides reassurance that the activities alluded to within it appear not to conflict with the provisions of the Highways Act 1980, as amended by the Local Government (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1982. The book also offers essential and inspirational reading - with a tantalising series of images and imaginings fit to titillate, amuse and generally please the inner man. It also offers ‘the ladies’ a parade of portholes (not potholes) through which a man’s true soul may be glimpsed. Of course, I would be failing in my duty were I not to point out that this could lead to potential ‘domestic’ trouble, which could, at its most severe, overspill onto the Highway. In such instances, the book may not be a major contribution to road safety. Otherwise, I feel able to recommend this book unreservedly to the Enforcement community and beyond, subject to the application and monitoring of adequate preventative provisions following an appropriate local risk assessment.”

Ian Denyer
Senior Highway Enforcement Officer
Sustainable Transport Division
East Sussex

A must for every collector

“The Book of Temptations stands favourable comparison with anything in my fabled collection, including the epochal Roundabouts of Great Britain.”

Peter Watts
Senior Custodian
Watts Collection
Brighton

Uniquely unique

“I’ve never seen anything remotely like it. It’s uniquely unique, and has something other worldly about it. Even those peculiar people who don’t like lists will like this.”

Johnny Morris
Inspector of Her Majesty’s Schoolchildren (Ret’d)
Wincle

Modesty forbids

“Almost certainly the cleverest book ever written. Also the deepest book written since 1885. Beautifully formed, clean-smelling and soft (but not too soft) to the touch.”

- Your Author & Life Guide

Precise placement procedures

“I see no reason why a copy of this book should not be in every lavatory in the land. That is to say, beside every lavatory in the land.”

- Clive Craske, Community Waterworks Officer

A contribution to natural history

"As a contribution to natural history this work is negligible."

The Times

Undoubtedly of interest to women

‘There is something religious about the combination of literature with lists. The Bible is a fabulously put together list of instructions; the Theogony is a list of what the gods will do to you, if you sleep with your sister or pee in the river at the wrong time of year; The Lord of the Rings is a list of unusually convincing fake names with a plot bolted on. But this list is different from all of these. This is a list of some ten thousand of the things you probably shouldn’t do. There is no doubt that here there is something for everyone, if perhaps mostly aimed at the darker side of our psyches. Happily, despite the perverse gendering of the title, this book is undoubtedly of interest to women - in all manner of ways. Disturbingly hypnotic. Be tempted.’

- Dr Paul Greenhalgh, Director, Corcoran Gallery of Art, College of Art & Design

Guilty sensations

‘This is not really a review, but you want to fix the spelling on the website in the random temptation generator, where it says from time to time ‘I want to buy the Book of Tempations’ which is something else, perhaps guilty sensations involving temps. Otherwise have recommended it to a poetry circle, but they never have any money.’

- Andy Tribble, Senior Sexton, Cheam MZ Graveyard

Send us your review at

temptme@bookoftemptations.com